Love: Geek Style
by OzGeek
Summary: Abby and McGee get in on in the coffin in the way only geeks can. Abby gets pregnant and she and McGee must deal with it. Started as a one shot, extended to 10 chapters. Defintely McAbby. Set midway season 3.
1. A night to remember

_I have modified the sex scene to better comply with the ratings system. See my profile for a link to the higher rated version. Essential this is not actually a sex story, it's a pregnancy story. The two things just tend to go together. I've been married too long to have a sense of decency. Let me know if it is still to much._

* * *

**Love Geek Style Chapter 1**

Abby bounded into the bullpen as 5:30 pm hit.

"Yo, McGee," she called. "Did you drive today?"

"Yeah, why?" he answered concentrating on closing down his computer.

"Can you give me a lift home?"

He looked up suddenly, stared for a moment and then seemed to relax. "Yeah, sure."

"I leant my car to this bohemian guy I met at the tattoo parlour," she began. "He was doing this charity thing and his car broke down…"

"Abby," McGee shook his head. "You're too trusting. You'll never see that car again."

He looked across to Tony who was shaking his head in mild amusement.

"Yes, I will," she said cheerfully. "We go to the same church and besides, his sister once put my brother in hospital, so I feel we have a lot in common."

McGee stared at her with his mouth open. He could think of nothing to say that would make any difference to what she had done nor prevent it from ever happening again.

"Let's go," he said.

"Want to get a pizza on the way home?" Abby suggested as they headed for the elevator. "Oh and I've got this cool thing in my bedroom I want to show you."

Tony's head shot up as the elevator doors closed behind them.

* * *

"So Timothy," Abby began sidling up next to him on the couch and loosening his tie slowly. "Are you feeling frisky?"

"Ahhh, I could be persuaded to be frisky," he reasoned.

"Step right this way." And she lead him by the tie towards the bedroom.

"Oh, ah, could I just make a quick pit stop before we get started," his eyes darted nervously towards the bathroom.

She dropped the tie barely stifling a sigh. She had forgotten the rituals, almost like foreplay but in a sort of anal retentive way.

She waited for him at the bedroom doorway. "Oh, I forgot to show you this," she said excitedly flicking on the light; "isn't this just the coolest thing you've ever seen?"

McGee stopped dead in his tracks. The sight that greeted him was a huge black four poster canopy that hung over her coffin bed. He was silent for a perceptible length of time until he managed to come up with: "it's you, Abbs".

"Let's try it out," she said dragging him more forcefully by the tie. She left the light on, knowing he liked it that way.

"Have you got the tissues handy?" McGee asked searching in the drawer he knew she kept the lubricant.

"Right here," Abby replied with a tight smile holding a large box high in the air. She placed it on his side of the bed and sighed. She told herself all this was going to be worth the effort.

"Right," confirmed McGee checking the placement of everything obsessively.

Abby swooped on him suddenly. "Come here, Timothy," she growled whipping off his tie. She undid his buttons one by one slowly revealing his perfectly clean white singlet. She placed the shirt carefully on her dresser. He was so geeky and right now, geeky was turning her on. Together they struggled to remove the singlet and she dropped it on top of the shirt in a neat pile.

She paused to run her fingers down his sternum to his pants. Slowly she undid the belt, unzipped them and let the pants fall to the floor. McGee stepped out of his pants, bent over to pick them up, folded them twice and added them to his clothing tower on the dresser.

"Hmm," said Abby, "tighty-whitey day?" She could see him straining against the tight material.

"It was…ahh cold this morning," he stammered, his anatomical interest starting to wane visibly.

She placed her finger to his lips and whispered in his ear: "I find them hot". McGee resurrected in an instant.

He took off his shoes but not the socks. The socks ALWAYS stayed on. She was beginning to wonder if he actually had toes. Abby left him as he was: tighty-whiteys and socks. He liked to stay that way until she was undressed too.

Slowly she slid her top off to reveal a red and black lace bra and a multitude of artwork. Then she dropped her skirt and peeled off her panty hose slowly down to her ankles. She lay back on the bed and placed her legs in the air. He came forward and removed her shoes and pantyhose placing them in a neat pile with this own shoes.

She stood in front of him and they kissed. Gently at first as he fumbled for the bra clasp behind her back. He dropped the bra and started on her pants. She pulled on his but they were tighter than she thought and he had to help her get them off. Then he cupped her breasts and massaged them gently.

She could feel him hard and hot against her stomach. She knew how large he was but she had rarely actually seen it in the flesh. The moment he caught her looking it seemed to just shrivel so she just closed her eyes and kissed.

He lowered her gently onto the bed and kissed her all over. She enjoyed the gentle rasping of his stubble as it grazed along her flesh and she rubbed her hands through the soft downy hair at the back of his head.

"Oh Abby," he moaned returning to her mouth.

She stroked him gently up the length of his back and finished by gently tweaking his nipples until they hardened. He looked at her with wide eyes momentarily and returned to kissing her.

Slowly, she reached over and grabbed the lubricant. It honestly wasn't needed but it seemed to soothe his insecurities so she used it. When she was finished, she used one hand to gently guide him. He wasn't a particularly good shot and she didn't want to go through the process of him fussing around trying to find the right hole again.

Then he was in and she knew it was all worth it. She could hear from his pants that he was close, but holding back. Other than that, he made no noise. He liked to maintain a sense of self-control and restraint. He was always like that, eager to please and afraid to let himself go. She enjoyed the challenge. She bit him hard on the neck and McGee lost himself convulsing and whimpering quietly. She allowed herself a little peak at his face. That was what she wanted to see, the lower lip pout was gone and the upper lip was drawn back showing those big front teeth. The look he had when he had no control over his body, no neatly folded clothes, no last minute just in case bathroom visits, complete animal. Then she felt herself join him.

They lay panting side by side for a moment then McGee reached over and handed her some tissues. Next he got a second handful for himself and whipped everything down. Satisfied everything was reasonably clean and dry he relaxed next to Abby.

"I really needed that McGee," she gasped.

"Was it OK? Did I hurt you?" he started.

She looked at him and placed her entire hand over his mouth. "You were perfect," she said and kissed him firmly on the lips. For her own benefit, she turned off the light. She really wasn't a fan of full lights-on activity, but for this round, she was willing to compromise. Crawling back into bed, she rolled onto her side draping one arm and one leg over him. She remembered to pull the sheets up to cover them both. His modesty satisfied, she snuggled up to him placing her head on his shoulder, sighing contentedly.

He smiled and placed his head on hers nuzzling her hair. In moments he was gently snoring.

Abby lay in wait calculating her best moment. She listened predatorily as his breaths deepened and the snore widened encompassing both the inhale and the exhale accompanied by that little puff of air. His head weighed heavily on hers. Still she waited.

Then she felt the head lighten slightly, the snoring eased off and McGee made some little twitching movements. She made her move: carefully she glided her had down his front to his groin, testing the waters. "Getting there," she thought. All she needed now was a little patience. It wasn't long until he was primed and ready to go again. She smiled to herself. then reared up to plant herself on top of him, licking down the side of his face and nibbling on his earlobe the way she knew he liked. "No lubricant needed now, my boy," she laughed to herself. When he was half asleep, he didn't have time for geeky insecurities, he was a wild man.

Relaxing on top of him, she felt his wet, breathy kisses on her face, frantic at first and then fading off as he relaxed back into sleep. Abby slid off him and snuggled back next to him again, feeling a sincere sense of achievement.

She allowed herself to drift off to sleep. They both had work tomorrow. She knew when she woke, he would not be there. He would have snuck off sometime in the night to his own place, own bed, own toothbrush and clean set of clothes fresh for the morning. But for now, he was hers.


	2. Morning after

_

* * *

_

Another slightly modified chapter

**Chapter 2 -The Morning After**

Abby awoke to the sound of loud, violent music blaring from her clock/radio. She dozed, lulled by the screaming guitar rifts, reminiscing over the previous night with McGee. Slowly she became aware of a new bass rhythm in the tune she had never noticed before. She opened her eyes to stare at the clock/radio. Then she realised the sound was coming from behind her. She turned her head suddenly and found McGee still there, flat on his back, mouth hanging slackly, snoring soundly beside her.

She was struck by sudden panic. He never stayed until morning. Not even when the only other option was a hotel room. Maybe he was terminally ill….

"Oh, this is not good," she said to herself. "He is going to be so not happy."

As she leant over to wake him, she had a sudden thought. There was a playful glint in her eyes as she leaned back the other way and turned off the alarm. Then she looked over the side of the bed and found the discarded lubricant. "Might as well be armed and ready," she thought.

She leant over to McGee and softly kissed his cheek. No response. She nibbled her way up his overnight stubble to his earlobe causing him to snort awake.

"What time is it?" he asked dreamily, yawning slightly and squinting in the morning light.

"Still early," it was a white lie. She was prepared to pay for it later.

She reached down under the covers and grabbed him. She was not disappointed.

"Er Abs, shouldn't we be getting ready?" his eyes betrayed his true desire.

"Just a quickie," she answered.

"I should really just, um, visit the bathroom," he started to move.

"It's cold out there", she warned playfully. "Besides, you'll never be able to do anything in this position. You need to be deflated."

"Deflated?" he crinkled his nose at the words.

"Oh, come here, Timothy."

He rolled over onto her and she felt the urgency that told her that perhaps SHE should have visited the bathroom. Whether it was the extra pelvic floor muscles required to hold back the impending flow or the full bladder feeling itself she wasn't sure but it heightened the sensation. This was just as well because McGee wasn't holding off long this morning. He was convulsing in moments in his usual restrained way barely giving her time to join in.

As he rolled over onto the bed, the apologies started. "I'm sorry that was way too short," he began. "I…I just really need to get to a bathroom." He leapt up and walked quickly through the bedroom grabbing her black skull dressing gown to drape over his shoulders on the way out. "Wow, you weren't kidding about the cold."

He returned after a quick shower and replaced the dressing gown. As he started dressing Abby dragged herself out of bed and put the dressing gown on.

"Tell me you're not going home to change?" she said.

"Actually, I keep two spare sets of clothes in my locker now," he replied. "I got sick of getting blood, vomit, dirt and just about everything else on my clothes. Not to mention those days on end when we don't even get to go home."

"That's mighty sensible of you McGee," Abby said as she headed for the bathroom.

The last words she heard were: "Hey, I thought you said it was still early."

* * *

When she emerged from the bathroom, the bed sheets were changed, the bedroom tidied and there was the smell of toast.

"I thought we could eat on the way," McGee explained as she dressed.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," she agreed, "a good healthy breakfast not only keeps you alert and helps you work better but it can also keep your weight down."

"So, what do you want on your toast?"

"Chocolate."

* * *

When they pulled up in the car park, Abby headed for the lab and McGee for the lockers. By the time he walked into the bullpen Abby and Gibbs were there alone. Gibbs was studying a folder crammed with documents.

"You're late," said Gibbs without looking at up.

"Sorry, boss, something came up," he stopped dead and squeezed his eyes shut tightly at his own double entoundre as Abby tried to hide a fit of giggles. He felt a deep blush rise from his jaw bone to the tips of his ears.

When he chanced to open his eyes again, Gibbs was still looking down at the contents of his folder but there was a definite smirk on his face.

"Try to start your morning activities earlier," he said deadpan and Abby turned to bury her face in McGee's shoulder to smother her laughter.

McGee gave thanks that neither Tony nor Ziva were around. Just as the relief of their absence finished washing over him, they came around the corner. Abby looked up at them, then decided it was safer to run than be seen laughing. She left hurriedly for the lab, leaving McGee standing exposed in front of Gibbs.

"So Probie," began Tony. "Big night? I see you're wearing the spare tie this morning and look," he patted McGee's face. "You're all flushed".

McGee closed his eyes and shook his head. Sometimes Tony was too observant. He scuttled for his desk and was surprised to hear Gibbs distracting Tony for him.

"What did you get DiNozzo?"

"Oh Boss, he enthused, you should see this place. Big sweeping driveway, they got 'beware of the dog' mosaiced into the driveway. It was huge..."


	3. Enter the she devil

**Chapter 3 - Enter the She-Devil**

It was three weeks later when McGee noticed a change in Abby's attitude towards him. At first she was just a little standoffish. Not interested in what he had to say, completely non-plussed by their mutual computer work. The geeky words were only flowing one way.

As no more invitations had come his way, he assumed she had found someone else for now. He was fine with that, they had no real long term commitment but there was something else. Even when she was seeing someone else, they always shared some kind of commandery in the lab. Not now.

Then as they were standing in strained silence staring at the monitor, McGee noticed something Abby had missed and made the rather catastrophic mistake of telling her so. She exploded with a rage that stunned him into silence.

"You're mad at me for something, aren't you?" he said quietly when she gave him the chance.

"Yes, I'm mad at you, Elf Lord."

"Do I get to know why?"

"I…..I've outgrown you McGee," she yelled at his face.

At that moment, something inside him shattered. He felt tears rise unbidden to his eyes and he stormed out of the lab as fast as he could without breaking into a run. He found solace in the men's room, shutting himself in a cubicle and sitting on the toilet lid hyperventilating and waiting for the shaking to die down. He toyed with the idea of going home. There was no way he could hide this from Tony or Ziva's prying eyes but he knew that wasn't really an option. So he took a deep breath, rubbed his hands over his face a few times, and resolved to take his ipod with him to the lab. Or better still, refuse to go.

His cell phone rang suddenly, its bathroom amplified tones making him jump.

"McGee," he answered.

"Where are you?" came Tony's voice. "We got a great case. You're going to love this. Get down here now."

"I'll be right there," he replied wearily.

"Wait. Are you in the can?" McGee hung up.

McGee looked in the mirror on his way out. He looked as bad as he felt. He splashed water on his face. Now he looked bad and wet. Sighing, he made his way back to the bullpen.

* * *

Tony greeted him like a long lost brother.

"Grad student…..found fried……at….. NRL!" said Tony invitingly. "Hey, you OK, you don't look so good?"

"I'm fine," McGee lied. "What's so great about it? I used to be a grad student."

"We're going to NRL. That's the Naval Research Labs. Don't tell me you've never wanted to go there?"

McGee managed a wry smile. "Yep, I actually have. Let's roll."

His slightly heightened mood last for as long as it took for him, Tony and Ziva to settle into the car. Siting alone in the back seat while Tony recited the specifics of the case, McGee looked out the window and his mind drifted back to Abby's harsh words and the look on her face. There were three things of which he was certain: something had happened, it was probably his fault, he was never going to find out what it was.

Funny, he expected it to be raining to match his mood but the rest of the world seemed unaffected. He felt a tear roll down his cheek and hastily wiped it away with a sniff. He hadn't realised he had let himself get so morose. Then another fell from the other eye and pretty soon he seemed to have a slow but steady stream of them dripping one by one off his cheeks.

In the front seat, Ziva caught a glimpse of McGee and was momentarily shocked. She casually continued her conversation with Tony while touching his hand and gesturing to the back seat. Tony used the rear vision mirror to catch a glance and his eyebrows rose.

"So McGee", he called out. "Tell us what we can expect from a whole building full of geeks?"

"You can expect to understand nothing," McGee replied quietly looking out the window.

* * *

Tony got his first taste of what was to come when he handed in his cell phone at NRL reception. His phone was bagged, tagged and thrown in a box. McGee's Blackberry drew an adoring crowd.

By the time they entered the main building he was beginning to get extremely unnerved. The corridors were full of jeans-wearing, t-shirt clad, backpack wielding geeks walking in groups, alone, in pairs. Everywhere he looked it was geek city.

"Did you ever see the film 'Being John Malkovich'? " he asked Ziva"

"No, why?"

"Well there's this scene when John Malkovich gets into the John Malkovich portal and everyone he sees is John Malkovich and they're all saying 'Malkovich'. "

"So…" Ziva wasn't sure where this one was going.

"I swear everyone's saying 'McGee.'"

* * *

They were led by an escort to the room where the grad student had died. Ducky and Palmer looked up as they entered.

"Find anything Ducky?"

"Only that he was a member of some Greens group and that badges can sizzle really well. I suspect the poor fellow was electrocuted."

Tony and Ziva bent down to get a closer look.

"Wow, really fried," said Tony admiringly.

"Yes, well, I'm sure he appreciates your concern. Get your pictures and we'll take the poor boy home."

* * *

The interview process was Tony's third shock. Word of their presence had spread like wildfire through the building. Well, not specifically their presence; McGee's presence. Every geek that entered to be interviewed would speak the name 'Tim McGee' in hushed reverent tones. Some were even so bold as to mention they had read some of his papers. All seemed awe struck. Tony was pretty sure only half the people they interviewed had actually anything useful to offer, the others were merely coming to pay homage. It was a parallel universe he was getting more and more anxious to leave.

* * *

As Tony and Ziva rounded the corner to leave the building, they noticed simultaneously that McGee had not made the turn with them. Instead, he was chatting away merrily to the adoring geek fan club huddled around him.

"Ah,….. McGee?" Tony called. McGee looked up. "You're with us, remember?"

McGee looked genuinely disappointed. "Oh, yeah. Sorry guys, gotta go," and he rejoined Tony and Ziva.

* * *

"So McGee," Tony began as they pulled out of the labs. "Do you miss all that academic stuff?"

"Sort of," McGee replied thoughtfully. "I mean the people are obviously great but I always wanted to be in law enforcement. That was the whole point of doing all the study."

"Why law enforcement?"

"Been asking myself that same question lately," McGee replied returning to stare out the window.


	4. The nips are getting bigger

**

* * *

**

Chapter 4 - The Nips are getting bigger

To McGee's horror, the 'Fried Green Graduate' case, as Tony had taken to calling it, resulted in him being sent into the far reaches of Abby's lair for an entire day. From the moment he entered the lab things rapidly descended to all out hostility for no discernable reason and he found himself on the end of a lot of arguments that he didn't even understand.

By lunchtime he had resolved to work in silence only exchanging the minimum information required to get the job done. Abby was still abusing him but he literally gritted his teeth and ignored her. By the time he called it a day, his entire jaw was aching and he felt completely drained of energy.

* * *

Despite his exhaustion, sleep evaded him and after tossing a turning for an hour or so, he got up and wondered around his apartment.

He gave up working on his novel when all he could think about was morbid death scenes involving Goth types stabbed through the heart. Instead, he sat in front of his computer and did some thinking. Didn't his old boss say he was welcome back anytime? Well it was time. There was simply no point in staying somewhere where he felt so unwelcome. He would gladly take a pay cut to get out of this place. Sighing resolutely, he started up his email.

* * *

The next day he walked in with his backpack across his shoulder and went straight to Gibbs. He knew what to expect and was not disappointed.

"Lab," said Gibbs without looking up.

McGee pivoted on his heel in silence and headed for the elevator.

* * *

The jaw clenching trick seemed enough to keep him sane but the lack of sleep was threatening to make him tetchy. Every time he felt the urge to explode, he concentrated on his escape plan. This situation would end. He just had to tough it out a little longer and he'd be free.

Just as the stress was becoming unbearable his cell phone rang. He had never before felt such a sense of relief to hear a ring tone.

"McGee, car, now," came Gibbs' curt voice.

"Yes!" in his head he was leaping around the room, in the lab he was muttering "gotta go" in Abby's general direction and shuffling out of the lab.

* * *

Gibbs offered him the front seat, relegating Tony and Ziva to the rear. This was a rare privilege and he wasn't sure if it meant he was in for a grilling, Gibbs was feeling sorry for him, or whether it was a long drive and Gibbs had heard of his car sickness. In many ways, he would rather have hid in the anonymity of the rear seat, but refusing the offer was tantamount to mutiny so he accepted with grace.

As they travelled, the conversation was, well, normal. He felt his jaw muscles start to relax for the first time in more than a day. As his stress and adrenaline levels slowly dropped, he realised with alarm that he was exhausted. He was physically and emotionally drained from enforced silence in the lab coupled with almost no sleep last night.

He desperately tried to keep himself awake digging his fingers into his thighs until they hurt. Usually Gibbs' driving was enough in itself to demand wakefulness but his fear of death was competing with a bone weary tiredness that was so bad it made him nauseous. His eyes hurt, his neck ached and he just wanted to crawl into a hole and sleep for a week.

He was pretty sure falling asleep in the converted front seat while the boss was talking to you was a bad career move but then so was throwing up ON the coveted front seat. If he just closed his eyes for a second, maybe the nausea would go away.

* * *

"McGee, I need you to give us a run down of academic life," Gibbs started, concentrating on the road. "McGee?"

He glanced over to see McGee slumped sound asleep next to him.

"McGee?" he reached over with one hand and tapped him hard on the shoulder. There was no response.

"Do the screeching stop thing Boss," Tony suggested enthusiastically.

"What is that?" Ziva enquired.

"Oh, it's great! You'll love it," Tony assured her.

"Not this time, DiNozzo," Gibbs replied.

"Boss," Tony whined. "You do it to me all the time."

"Let me ask you this, DiNozzo: How often do you sleep in the car when I'm driving?"

"All the time."

"How often does McGee sleep in the car?"

"Ahh, never."

"Exactly. Besides there are 50 cars around us doing 90 miles an hour."

* * *

When they arrived at NRL, Gibbs parked and turned off the engine. McGee was still out cold.

"We could just leave him here," Ziva suggested.

"Oh, no Boss," Tony begged. "We need him in there, you don't know what its like. It's like this sea of geeks. They're like cockroaches, they're everywhere. Don't send us in alone, please Boss."

"Calm down, Dinozzo," Gibbs sighed wrenching the door open and walking around the car to open the passenger door. Gently, he shook McGee's shoulder.

"McGee," he said firmly.

McGee snorted awake and looked around blearily.

"You OK, son?" McGee was surprised to hear genuine concern in Gibbs' voice.

In his head a voice screamed "you left me alone with that she devil for a day and a half and you ask me 'are you OK?'!"

"Um, I'm fine," he mumbled, heaving himself out of the car with Gibbs' help. He swayed for a moment and held onto the car.

"You sure?"

The fresh air was starting to revive him. "Yeah, just a bit drained from working with the energy vampire this morning."

"I hear you," Tony sympathized.

"Let's go."

* * *

To Tony's relief, today was the day to interview the supervisors, rather than the students. The sight that greeted him when he walked into the small conference room, however, made him stop in his track. There were eight men, all in their fifties, all bearded, slightly overweight, wearing glasses and at various stages of balding. The T-shirts and jeans were gone but in their place were too tight shirts and ties which were relics from the sixties. 'So this is what geeks evolve into' he thought to himself. He opened his mouth to say something but a little voice told him he should save the comment for the ride home.

The men were in discussion, all leaning back in their chairs with hands folded behind their heads. Identical coffee cups were lined up before them. McGee stopped behind Tony as he entered the door and then stepped around him to enter the room.

"Is this a private interferometer or can anyone join?" he quipped approaching the men.

To Tony's surprise, this caused spontaneous laughter and one of the men arose and extended a hand with a warm "you must be Tim McGee".

Tony caught Gibbs' eye and slowly mouthed the word "scary".

Gibbs smiled and motioned him further into the room. "Look behind them," he said in a low voice.

Tony looked and suddenly all was forgiven. On the bench behind the Druids were three coffee machines. There was a drip filter, a cappuccino maker and even a plunger. These were a people he could understand, a people where 'coffee break' meant the time you weren't indulging in coffee. Even better there were clean cups on the bench just for them.

"Must have known you were coming boss," he replied.

"Help yourself to coffee," came the invitation and Tony almost bolted across the room.

Once they had settled, Gibbs took control. "Do you think you push your students too hard?" he began.

"What sort of metric are you talking about?" came the reply.

"What about student fatalities," McGee offered.

"That's probably a little harsh," the man retorted. "The real world wants graduates to be resourceful and take risks to get the job done. That's what we do."

"Do you regulate that in any way?" asked Gibbs.

"Do you?" came the challenge.

Gibbs sighed. "Ok, I think we're done here. I think this is one for JAG."

He packed up his things as Tony desperately tried to down the last remnants of his coffee.

* * *

Back in the car, Gibbs reiterated his question. "McGee, tell us about academic life".

McGee still had the coveted front seat but this time he felt worthy.

"It's a sort of hierarchy with grad students as the serfs. I was once sent out with a group of graduate students to the desert to test cables in waveguides."

"That doesn't sound too bad," came Tony's voice from the back seat.

"Except that the cables were black. There were supposed to be 16 cables per box but because the winter nights were so cold, the local snakes used to live in there to keep warm. So you'd open the box and you'd see like 20 cables and you know that 4 of them could bite you. You had to get pretty good at getting your current levels right. Too much amperage and you fry the cable, to little and the snake wouldn't react."

"Yeack," Tony shuddered.


	5. Gibbs has had enough

**Chapter 5 - Gibbs Has Had Enough**

McGee thought he was home free the next day working at his own desk among the relatively normal co-workers of Tony and Ziva. He finalised reports, ran checks, and was able to state an opinion or ask a question without risking the loss of a limb...

Then mid-morning hit.

"I need you to work with Abby on this," Gibbs grunted as he walked past tossing McGee a folder.

"No," came the curt reply.

It was out before McGee even realised it but he thought he'd better run with it. He had practised all night so he could say this to Gibbs' face.

Gibbs screeched to a halt. "What?" The room had gone eerily quiet.

"Can't Tony do it?"

"Sorry," said Tony, holding up his phone. "Important detective work to do. Besides, I'm not going near her."

"Ziva," pleaded McGee.

Ziva formed a cross with her fingers and gave a vampire hiss.

"I just don't think it would be a good idea," said McGee levelly.

Gibbs positioned himself nose to nose with McGee. "Could you tell me why I shouldn't fire you right now?"

"Send someone else," said McGee quietly, his heart was pounding and he could feel the sweat trickling down the back of his neck but he knew he had to stop this downward spiral. "She can't seem to work around me. I've tried everything. No work gets done when we're in the same room."

"This team will work together regardless of their personal feelings," Gibbs growled malevolently. "You will go to that lab and you will work like you have never worked before. Do I make myself clear?" his gaze widened to include Tony and Ziva.

"Clear."

Sighing, McGee picked up the folder and his ipod and headed for the elevator.

* * *

When he arrived in the lab, he went straight to Abby.

"Gibbs says I have to come and help you," he said to her. "I'm going to sit over there and work. If you need anything work related, feel free to ask and I will help to the best of my abilities. If I need any help from you, I will ask and I expect a civil answer from you. Is that OK with you?"

"Fine."

"Fine."

They tapped away in strained silence until McGee chanced to question one of Abby's findings. She exploded, ripping into him with personal attacks that wounded him deeply. He fought back, saying many things he was sure he would regret and an all out, nose to nose, toe to toe yelling match ensued broken only by the sound of Gibbs' voice.

"Oy!"

The silence echoed down the length of the lab as they both looked at him standing in the doorway.

"Either you two work together or one of you leaves. Is that understood?"

"Yes sir," said McGee quietly through gritted teeth.

Abby gave McGee a smug little smile.

"And don't you be so cocky," Gibbs shot at her. "Chip may have been a homicidal maniac but he was a damn good forensic scientist."

Abby looked shocked as McGee allowed himself a little grunt of triumph.

"McGee, I need you in the bullpen," Gibbs continued. "I have a problem with my computer. Same problem as last time."

"What: 'idiot onboard'," muttered McGee darkly as he pushed past Abby.

She gave an involuntary snort at his humour and he stopped short and caught her eye. For a moment he saw a glimpse of the old Abby but then it was gone. He shook his head and followed Gibbs out the door.

* * *

Down in the bullpen, Gibbs stopped in front of Tony's desk and motioned with his head for Ziva to join them. He caught McGee's arm as he stormed past on the way to check his computer.

"Where're you going?" he asked.

"I thought your computer…," McGee was momentarily puzzled.

"There's nothing wrong with my computer, McGee. I think we need a little group meeting," Gibbs gave him gentle smile.

"Oh," said McGee finally registering he had just been pulled out of a war zone by his boss.

"Ok, what's the deal with Abby?" Gibbs addressed them all.

"She's finally been possessed Boss," concluded Tony.

"Caffeine withdrawal," Ziva hypothesized. "That Caf-Pow container has water in it. I've checked."

"But I get her a new one every morning," Gibbs protested.

"Well, then she uses that one over and over and fills it with water. I'm telling you there's no coffee on her breath."

"McGee?"

"Don't ask me, I don't get that close to her. She could bite my head off at that range."

"OK," Gibbs resolved, I'm giong to talk to her.

"Give me 2 hours alone with her," Ziva hissed.

"I need her alive, Officer David."

"In that case, make it 12. If I haven't broken her in 12 hours, then you can talk to her."

Gibbs looked at the three expectant faces in front of him considering his options.

"OK," he said finally. "You have 12 hours, then we're going in."


	6. Ziva gets the dirt and Abby comes clean

**Chapter 6 - Ziva gets the Dirt and Abby comes clean**

Abby flushed the toilet for what seemed like the fiftieth time for the day and opened the stall door. She stopped short as she ran into Ziva.

"Why haven't you told McGee about the baby?" she asked levelly.

"What, are you talking about?" Abby said hurriedly dodging around her and heading for the basin.

"Don't try to deny this," Ziva started. "I am a trained liar and a trained observer and you," she rounded on Abby and poked her in the arm, "are in this bathroom ten times an hour, you've gone up two cup sizes, you've put water in your Caf-Pow container, you're getting forgetful, touchy and, let's not mince words, hormonal."

Abby looked down with tears in her eyes. "How did you know it was McGee?"

"Oh come on!" exclaimed Ziva in exasperation. "You've been ripping him to shreds for weeks. He has no idea what's going on. Do you know that he has been surfing for places to rent in Norfolk in his lunchtime? He's even lining up jobs there. You don't see him in car when we go out. Do you know we see him cry in the rear vision mirror? You've got to tell him."

Abby was shocked. She had shut him out to protect him. Well, no to protect herself. Well, not really, at first she was really mad at him, and wanted him to suffer as she was suffering, then she was sure there was some protecting going on somewhere but she couldn't remember where that fell in the scheme of things. Ziva was talking again.

"You do realise there are places you can go to abort."

That snapped Abby back to reality. "Yeah, I thought about that but my priest pretty much told me it was a one way guaranteed ticket to hell."

"Don't you use any sort of protection?" Ziva was incredulous.

"Well of course I do," Abby explained patiently. "I have everyone scaled. For example Billy-Bob, well, with him I use two condoms and I douche in disinfectant afterwards, but McGee's on the good list. I told him to not bother with the condoms. He was a bit iffy at first but I told him a girl doesn't get to have the real 'in flesh'; experience much these days and I really trusted him."

"So statistics finally got you?"

"No, I used a diaphragm, with the jelly and everything."

"So what happened?"

"Well, I was probably OK for the first two times but I think it was the morning quickie that sort sealed my fate. I hadn't put any new jelly in and I took out the diaphragm in the shower."

"Hmm," Ziva said thoughtfully. "That was careless." Then she looked up suddenly. "You did it with McGee three times in less than 12 hours?"

"Yeah, but it was a work night," Abby explained.

"But….McGee?"

"Still waters, cum deep, Ziva," Abby said mischievously.

Ziva looked her in the eyes. "I'm sending him up to your lab. Tell, him now, or I'll tell him for you." She left banging the door behind her.

* * *

"McGee," Ziva said firmly as she entered the bullpen. "You need to go talk to Abby".

"You've got to be kidding me," he replied looking back down at his work.

"Now, McGee, this is your chance to get all the answers."

He looked up confused. "What?"

Ziva leant over and whispered closely in his ear. "Before you make any rash decisions to leave here and head back to Norfolk, you need to find out why Abby has been treating you the way she has. Go now."

Then she jerked her head back as McGee jumped up, his chair shooting back to slam into the bookshelf behind him, and sprinted for the elevator.

"What the hell did you say to him to make him go near the Queen of the Undead?" asked Tony.

"Just wait and see," Ziva replied smugly.

* * *

For all his haste, McGee slowed cautiously as his neared Abby's liar. No lab, he corrected himself. He could hear music blaring from way down the corridor but as he approached he could also hear Abby crying. Something was up, Abby never cried.

The dread that he had recently acquired on entering the lab was still hanging on doggedly, but curiosity was fast overtaking it. He searched the lab carefully, trying to follow the sounds of crying that were barely audible over the loud music.

"Abby?" he said quietly when he found her under a desk hugging her beloved farting hippo.

"I'm so sorry Timmy," she sniffed hugging her hippo tighter.

He sat down on the floor next to her resting his back against the bench, bringing his knees up and resting his forearms on his knees. He looked across at her hiding under the bench. Mascara was radiating out in star shaped patterns from her eyes and she looked like some bizarre clown.

"You OK?" he asked.

"I'm so sorry for all the mean things I said," she said quietly and a small sob escaped her.

"I think we both said things we regret," he soothed.

"Yeah, but I'm so much better at it than you. Really McGee, we're going to have to work on that."

He gave her a gentle snort.

"It wasn't all bad," said McGee lightly. "You haven't hit me for weeks. The bruises on my arms have pretty much healed….OW!" He tried to direct a frown at her but it dissolved into a smile. It was the first physical contact they had had for a long time and he was going to treasure it, no matter how painful.

"Abbs, what's going on?" he asked gently.

"Promise you won't get mad?"

"I don't think I have any anger left in me Abbs. It can't possibly be worse than the last few weeks. Can it?" his thoughts suddenly flew to the possibilities: plague, rabies, maybe she had killed someone….

Abby took a deep breath. "I've been practising this for a while," she smiled nervously at him. She shut her eyes and said: "McGee, I'm pregnant".

He paused for a moment. "Well, …..ahh, congratulations."

She looked up and smiled at him. It was her first real smile in longer than he could remember.

"I'd forgotten how sweet you are sometimes," she sniffed.

"Come, here," he held up his left arm invitingly and she crawled from under the desk and snuggled up next to him. He laid his arm around her shoulders.

"You're taking this much better than I thought you would," she congratulated him and he gave her a gentle squeeze.

"You do realise we have a great maternity policy here," he started. "You get paid maternity leave, entitlement to part-time work. I'm sure Gibbs would be very supportive. We're one of the few places that actually offers paternity leave."

"So you could take time off too?"

He laughed lightly. "No, that's only for the baby's father, Abs".

She stared at him in silence until he noticed. She saw his face travel the route from confusion to realisation.

"Abby," he gasped, wide-eyed.

"Bingo!" thought Abby, she thought he was taking this far too well.

"Remember the quickie?" He nodded silently, his breath coming in short pants. "Well, I sort of got careless"

"Oh, I'm so sorry Abbs, I knew we shouldn't have gone without condoms. I've ruined your life, haven't I? No wonder you hate me." He would have said more but he was finding it hard to talk since his heart had relocated to his throat.

"I could never hate you McGee," she said.

He looked at her with his eyebrows raised in surprise. After the last few weeks, he had considerable doubts and it showed.

"Really," she affirmed. "I've just been kind of stressed out lately."

"Uh hu," still not convinced he rested his head back against the bench trying to still his breathing and the thumping panic in his head. "Oh wow!" he said quietly.

They sat in silence for a few minutes until McGee gathered himself again.

"So should we get married?"

Abby laughed out loud. "Ever heard the saying about a fish may love a bird but where would they build a home together? No, that is so not happening."

"Oh, OK then." He looked down and the silence descended again.

"Wow, you've ah…really grown, haven't you?" he said a few minutes later looking down at her breasts.

"Yeah, you can look but don't touch. They're really painful and they feel like rocks."

There was another pause as McGee sighed deeply.

"You do know you don't have to go through this alone?" he began as Abby looked up at him. "I can help financially and even help look after the baby. We can make this work Abbs. I really want to give this kid a good life."

Abby smiled at him. "You're too good for me McGee," she said as she hoisted herself up from the floor with McGee trying to push inelegantly from underneath.

McGee struggled to his feet to stand next to her. "We'll be fine," he told her rubbing his hands up and down her arms reassuringly.

"I know," she said and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Now back to work before Gibbs kills you."

"I'm pretty sure I signed my death warrant a couple of months ago," he said ruefully touching her stomach.

* * *

By the time he reached the elevator he was congratulating himself on being so cool and calm in the face of such life changing news. As the doors shut, however, he felt an icy shower wash down his entire body, his breath seemed to be coming in short gasps and he couldn't swallow properly. The large pool of saliva currently gathering in his mouth threatened to leak out in a long drool.

By the time the doors opened again, he was a shaking so hard he could hardly stand. His desk looked ridiculously far away. Then he found Tony's face right in front of him.

"Hey McGee," Tony was just too jovial right now. "Why don't we have a little sit down over here."

Firmly but gently, Tony guided McGee to his chair and made sure he was sitting. He was just giving Ziva a 'see how easy it is' shrug with his arms open wide when he saw Ziva squeeze her eyes shut. He turned to see McGee pitch forward, crack his head on the desk on the way down and land in a crumpled mass on the floor.

"Ohhh," Tony winced. "So close."

He and Ziva peered together over the side of the desk at McGee. When they looked back Gibbs was right between them.

"What are you two looking at?"

Then he looked down and saw McGee lying on the floor. "Get Abby up here now," he muttered ominously, "and Ducky."

"Gibbs, it's not what you think," Ziva began.

"I have an agent down and a psychotic forensic scientist who is hell bent on killing him. That's what I'm thinking. Any advances on that?"

"Actually, that's a pretty good summary," Ziva admitted. "But they sort of worked it out".

"Oh, I can see that," said Gibbs sarcastically.


	7. Tony finds out

**Chapter 7 - Tony Finds Out**

McGee awoke to a mass of noises and bodies around him. To his alarm, Ducky seemed to be having a one way conversation with him and someone was holding his head in a vice like grip. Was that Jimmy? He was pretty sure he was still alive as the ground seemed rather hard. Besides he was shaking, and he was convinced that corpses didn't do that.

"Ahh Timothy, my boy, glad to have you back," said Ducky. "I've just finished super-gluing this cut on your forehead."

McGee put his hand up and touched a gauze pad. As he struggled to sit up, he caught a glimpse of Tony, Ziva and Gibbs looking down at him over the desk.

"No, no, you'll need to lie still for a bit and let the blood flow to your head," Ducky said forcing him down again. "This ice will keep down the swelling." McGee felt a cold patch on his forehead.

"Here's the blanket doctor," came Jimmy's voice and McGee felt the warmth spread over his body, calming the shaking.

"You know in the old days, we used stitches for a cut like this," Ducky reminisced. "Then there was always the risk of infection and people dying…." McGee's eyes widened. "Oh, you're not dying today my boy," Ducky re-assured him, "although you have had a bit of a shock."

"People die of shock all the time," added Jimmy helpfully.

"Too right, Mr Palmer, and concussion, you might have a bit of that after cracking your head so hard."

"Do people ever die of boredom, Ducky," asked Tony from the desk above.

"Well, I've never known anyone to die of boredom," Ducky considered.

"Then it can't be done," Tony concluded.

Ducky raised an eyebrow at him but was denied the chance to reply by Abby's arrival.

"What's up Bossman," Abby began but she stopped short as she met his grim face.

"What did you do to McGee?" he asked gravely.

"McGee?" Abby looked confused.

Gibbs pointed to the floor and Abby peered over the desk. "McGee!" she cried as she saw him lying there pale, dazed and confused. "Are you OK?" and she raced around the desk to be at his side.

"Yeah, I'm ah fine, I think," he mumbled.

"Young Timothy here seems to have fainted at his desk," explained Ducky.

"Really?" said McGee with a combination of embarrassment and surprise.

"Yes," confirmed Ducky "Seems you had a bit of a shock".

There was a pause and then recognition registered on McGee's face. Abby looked up at Gibbs,

"OK, you were right Gibbs," she said. "I gave him the shock".

"My desk: now," said Gibbs tersely.

"Jethro, I'm not sure that's such a good idea," warned Ducky.

"Now!"

Tony and Abby helped McGee to his feet where he swayed unsteadily with the blanket around his shoulders and the icepack in his hand. Tony ducked under McGee's arm and helped him slowly to a chair at Gibbs' desk.

* * *

"So she finally told him," said Jimmy conversationally to Ducky as they started packing up.

"Yes, and about time too," Ducky replied. "I would have told him myself in a couple of days."

"I can't believe he didn't notice."

"That's why you're a doctor, Mr Palmer, and he's not."

* * *

After depositing McGee in the chair, Tony waited expectantly for Gibbs to begin.

"Dinozzo?"

"Yeah Boss."

"Why are you here?"

Tony looked from Abby and McGee and back again. "Oh, right boss", he said dejectedly and left.

Gibbs looked at the two people in front of him waiting for someone to start. "Well," he prompted.

"I.. ah, well," McGee stuttered. He was shaking again and he pulled the blanket up around his shoulders.

"I'm pregnant," Abby stated simply.

"Ahh," Gibbs fitted the pieces together instantly.

He directed his question to McGee: "And you found out?"

"About twenty minutes before I hit the desk," McGee confirmed, touching his swollen forehead.

"Well, congratulations," said Gibbs. "When are you due?"

Abby looked at him in confusion. "Due? Oh, I haven't really thought about it."

"What!" McGee looked at her.

"I was just sort of getting used to the idea I was pregnant, I hadn't really thought about the next step."

"They do come out eventually, Abs," Gibbs chided.

"Yeah, I know, I just hadn't really planned that far ahead."

Gibbs fixed her with a serious gaze. "You need to find yourself an obstetrician, a hospital, get to an ante-natal course and get yourself a whole heap of baby junk you never thought you'd ever use."

Abby looked disgusted.

"McGee, you need to help her. Do you understand?" McGee nodded energetically and then winced at the pain in his head.

"Now go," he directed. "And Abby, don't break this sort of news to my staff during work hours, that's what we have weekends for."

"Yes sir," she saluted.

Gibbs cringed. "And get back to me with your dates".

Abby nodded and bounced away leaving McGee to haul himself out of the chair.

"These are the good times, McGee," Gibbs reassured him with a sly smile. "It's all downhill from here".

McGee gave a pitiful whimper and made his way unsteadily to his desk.

When he got there, Tony was in his face.

"Spill," he said.

"Not now, Tony," McGee sighed, crawling over to his chair.

"I'm pregnant," Abby announced.

"No way," then he turned to McGee. "McGee, my man, one shot, straight in the basket. High five, buddy." And he held up his hand.

"I fail to see how anything I do reflects upon you," said McGee.

Tony lowered his hand. "You just don't understand sport at all, do you?"

"Besides," Ziva added mischievously. "It took him three shots."

"You TOLD her?" McGee asked Abby incredulously over the noise of Tony's victory dance and cries of "yes!"

McGee exhaled loudly, leant back in his chair, and placed the icepack on his throbbing head.


	8. Sex and the pregnant Abby

_Another censored chapter_

**Chapter 8 - Sex and the Pregnant Abby**

The elevator ding brought Tony's head up and he was not disappointed. McGee looked decidedly grey this morning. Abby had dragged him out of the office last night to his first ante natal class. Tony could still see the pleading "save me", look in McGee's eyes and hear Abby's unsympathetic "you've done the crime now do the time".

"How was it?" he asked McGee cheerfully.

"Ever seen that scene in Fantasia with the ballerina hippos?"

Both men shuddered.

"You two should be ashamed," Ziva chastised them. "Being with child is a beautiful thing".

"Fine, you go shopping for baby stuff with her at lunchtime and see how beautiful it is," McGee challenged.

"Actually, that might be fun," said Ziva brightly. "Do you think she'd let me come along?"

"Oh she loves to share the experience," McGee assured her. "All of her experiences. Make sure to remind her to tell you about her haemorrhoids".

Tony winced as McGee's phone rang.

"McGee. Oh hi Abbs. Yeah we're still on but can Ziva come too? She wants some of the baby experience. OK, I'll call you."

"You're in", he told Ziva hanging up the phone. "And you can back me up on my one condition."

"Which is?"

"No coffin bassinets. I just couldn't stand to see a baby in a little coffin. It would just freak me out too much. She says she wouldn't do that to me but she can get a bit… carried away sometimes".

"That seems reasonable enough," Ziva confirmed. "No Abby getting carried away."

"Shopping for baby things has got to be the world's best contraception," McGee muttered darkly to Tony. "It should be compulsory in high schools. Solve the teenage pregnancy problem overnight."

* * *

Abby bounded out of the elevator, as McGee wearily shut down his computer for the evening.

"Let's go McGee. I want to do a stock take."

He sighed, resigned to his fate. That meant they were going to his apartment. The place that had once been his sanctuary was now a repository for all things baby. He could hardly see his beloved typewriter now for the various cots, car seats, high chairs and prams that were stored in his living room. Not to mention the drifting mounds of baby clothes. His personal possessions seemed to be receding in the tidal wave of baby paraphernalia as fast as his carefree bachelor life.

Abby had a white theme going which made the room look like a hospital waiting area. At the ultrasound, she had wanted the baby's gender to be a 'surprise'. McGee was adamant that this baby had already used up its allocation of surprises but she held firm. He then had a choice of 'pink is a fine color if it's a boy' or white. So everything was white.

He was convinced that using his apartment as a storage locker was Abby's way of making sure he never brought another female back to his apartment again. He could just see the face of any prospective girl as he opened the door. A room full of brand new baby equipment. What could be more enticing to a young single girl? Unless she had a seriously ticking biological clock, she would run a mile.

"And Chinese tonight," said Abby picking up the bags. "I got a hankering for Chinese food."

"Fine," he swung his backpack over his shoulder and they headed for the elevator.

* * *

"So McGee," Abby began as they finished off the remains of the food. "Ever done it with a pregnant woman?"

McGee laughed spontaneously. Then he stopped. Abby wasn't laughing. She was serious.

He swallowed hard. He had honesty never thought about touching a pregnant woman in any way. Even when Abby said 'look, its moving' and placed his hand on her stomach, it only made him feel queasy.

"Won't it hurt the baby?" he knew he was clutching at straws but he was stalling for time until he could think of a better excuse.

"Didn't you listen at all in that class?"

"Well, no," he admitted sheepishly. "I kept trying to think of things that didn't make me nauseous."

"Come on, McGee," she pleaded. "Do you know how difficult it is to get a date when all anyone can see is 'baby coming soon'?"

He surveyed his living room. "I think I have some appreciation," he said.

"Why won't guys go near me?"

"I think its Darwinian, Abbs," he felt more comfortable on theoretical grounds. "The human race is meant to procreate. If the woman is obviously taken, the men aren't attracted to her. It's in the nature of the species."

"Well, this woman hasn't been 'taken' in quite a while, McGee. Just for once I'd like someone to look at me as a woman and not an incubator."

"Guys are sort of visually driven Abbs."

"You're going to be visually driven over in a minute," she warned. "Come with me, Timothy" and she pulled him by the T-shirt to the bedroom.

Once in the there, Abby flicked the lights on and started on McGee's MIT T-shirt, then his singlet, then his pants. She was a woman on a mission and nothing was going to stop her. Once she had stripped him down to his boxers and socks she stood panting waiting for him to make a move.

"Well?"

"Um, right," he stammered licking his lips nervously. "Ah…OK".

Hesitantly he pulled the huge sack of a dress over the top of her head coming face to face with her industrial strength maternity bra and elasticised support underwear. Her belly button protruded grotesquely at him.

"Do you think we could try with the lights out?" his voice had gone up half an octave.

"Whatever it takes, McGee."

"Right, ah thanks. Oh hold on: how do I undo this thing?" he made his way around to her back and unlatched the enormous support structure she was wearing. Her breasts swung free, slapping into each other as they fell.

She heard him take a stuttering breath behind her. This was going to be harder than she thought. As he shuffled nervously to the light switch, she removed her underpants to make life a little easier on him.

"Oh, wait," he said suddenly. "I haven't got the lubricant."

"McGee," came Abby's impatient voice. "I leak gallons of fluid a day. I go through like a pack of pads a week. We don't need any lubricant."

"Abby, please," he whispered, a note of panic in his voice.

Whoops, too far. There were some facts of life that McGee just couldn't bear to hear. Perhaps she should save that image of the baby sitting in the womb getting poked in the head during sex for later.

"Sorry, Timmy."

He faced her in the dull light and took a deep breath. "Um, I don't really know where to start," he admitted awkwardly. "I don't think I can reach you."

For McGee sex really was a one dimensional activity: horizontal. Abby sighed and crawled up on the bed on her hands and knees.

"We could do it doggy style," she suggested wiggling her bottom at him.

McGee looked aghast as her giant udders and stomach swayed ominously beneath her. 'Not unless I develop a bovine fetish,' he thought to himself. The cross shaped tattoo on her back made her look like a badly wrapped Christmas present and he could swear the tattoo on her butt had grown to twice its original size. He looked closer and shuddered, 'that's what haemorrhoids look like'.

He was getting worried. No amount of good will towards Abby or sympathy for her plight was going to get his anatomy to come to the party.

* * *

Abby looked back at him and saw the shear terror etched on his face. 'Time to change tack,' she thought.

She climbed off the bed and put her arms around McGee's shoulders. "Let's say we just lie down and chat for a while," she said softly. "And we don't mention the baby once. OK?"

"OK," came the thankful reply.

As they lay down, Abby made sure to use the sheets to cover her stomach. He needed to be thinking about her, not staring at her stomach.

It had been a while since they, or anyone else, had talked of anything but the baby and at first it was hard for either of them to think of anything to say. Once they got their rhythm going, however, things came much more easily.

McGee remembered why he liked Abby so much: She got his jokes. Most people thought he had no sense of humour but Abby understood. Sometimes the references were a bit esoteric but she was right there with him. He loved to make her laugh.

As she flicked her head forward in animated conversation he found himself collecting an errant strand of her shiny black hair and examining it casually. He looked into her bright eyes, was dazzled by her smile and finally, he understood: she was still Abby. He suddenly realised he was alone in his bed with a beautiful, intelligent women who was completely naked and desperate to have sex with him and only him.

Although he would never admit it to Abby, monogamy was a pretty strong part of his make up. Never mind that Abby wasn't choosing to be exclusive with him, she was more having it thrust upon her. The fact still remained that she was his and when it came down to it, he was a possessive person.

"McGee, are you listening to me?"

He put a finger to her lips and then slowly slid it to one side replacing it with his lips. She retuned his kisses softly at first and then made the adventurous decision to wriggle her tongue between his lips. Although hesitant at first, he quickly opened up to her and eagerly returned in kind.

He started kissing gently down her cheek and neck pausing over her spider web tattoo. He travelled down to her breasts shifting the covers down by degrees.

"Careful," she whispered, and he was; licking across her skin and then blowing across the dampness to make her tingle. "You have no idea how good that feels."

"McGee looked up excitedly. "I have an idea!"

He sat up and rolled the covers to the end of the bed. Then taking Abby's hands in his own he led her off the bed and motioned for her to sit on the end bed atop the rolled covers.

"Now," he said lowering her with his hands to lie on her back. "I can reach you" and he quickly removed his boxers.

She smiled up at him, her suspicions were confirmed: he was large. She wrapped her legs around his torso.

He bent over to kiss her, only momentarily pressing on her swollen abdomen. Then he straightened, put his hands on her hips and without warning, drove into her.

"Whoa," Abby let out an involuntary cry then she threw her head back and laughed with joy.

McGee looked down on Abby's rapturous face. He never really got to see her face during sex and now he realised how much he had been missing. She was really happy. More importantly, he was making her that happy. His Abby was happy.

He tried to hold back to extend her sensation but his body was having none of that. His loins exploded in a rush of heat that seemed to radiate through his body. The force was so tremendous it terrified and thrilled him all at once. For once he had no notion of time and the world disappeared from his grasp.

As the reality returned, he found he had to rest his hands on the bed for support merely to stay upright. Gasping for air and drenched in sweat, he felt dizzy and drunk. Belatedly he realised the blood that had rushed from his head to partake in his exertion was yet to make the return journey.

"McGee, you rock!" yelled Abby from the bed. He gave her a broad grin and then closed his eyes with a sudden grunt as his body reacted to the compliment. He knew he'd done good.

"I can't reach the tissues," he gasped.

Abby reached up over her head and with her fingertips was just able to get a purchase on the errant box. Flicking it on one edge, she was able to cause it to tumble towards her, catching it victoriously. She held it out to McGee who was still breathing heavily at the end of the bed. She tapped him with the box until he looked up. He looked like he had had the life sucked out of him and it caused her to giggle. He smiled self effacingly taking the tissue box.

Abby shoved her way back up the bed and turned on her side. McGee dropped the tissue box and crawled, exhausted up the bed to join her. He had the happy grin of a puppy that had just brought back its first stick. He was very pleased with himself and rightly so.

"That was fantastic," he panted. "Abby, I really….." the yearning to tell her was so great it threatened to overwhelm him. The effort required to restrain the strong emotions welling up inside him brought tears to his eyes but he could not risk frightening her off. If she left now, he was sure he would collapse and die. Instead he kissed her forcefully fully on the mouth. Then he lay back on his pillow, took hold of her hand, closed his eyes and sighed deeply with a smile of satisfaction on his face.

The look in McGee's eyes had not gone unnoticed by Abby but she had to admit to some relief he had not said what he was clearly thinking. They would always be together in some way; they would be parents soon and if she had to be stuck with someone for life, she was glad it was going to be McGee. If only he would allow her to date freely AND do what he had just done to her every night, she'd be really happy.

She saw the smile slip from his face and was momentarily worried until she realised his panting had given way to deep breaths. He was sound asleep. She rolled the covers over him and he didn't stir. She stood to straighten her back and then turned to go to the bathroom yet again.


	9. Jimmy delivers

**Chapter 9 - Jimmy Delivers**

It was the end of a long day when Abby waddled into autopsy holding her hand to her back. She was nearly nine months pregnant and looking fed up. She wore flat slip-on shoes and an oversized dress onto which she had stencilled the words 'McGee did this to me' in large red letters. Ducky and Palmer looked up from the charred remains of the body they were dissecting.

"Abigail," Ducky welcomed her. "What can I do for you?"

"You got any painkillers, Ducky?" she asked. "I've been popping pills all day and I just can't seem to get rid of this pain. Hold on a minute."

Abby held on to a table and panted for a minute before continuing. "This pain is really bugging me, Duck".

Ducky exchanged glances with Palmer.

"Come sit up here," he said, heading to an empty gurney.

Abby following walking gingerly.

"Just how long has this been going on?" he asked after Abby had hoisted herself onto the metal table.

"All day! I can't do a thing without stopping all the time. It's driving me nuts. At first, it was like every now and again, but now it's all the …oh wait, here it comes again."

While Abby panted through the pain, Ducky looked across at Palmer who was shaking his head with a smirk on his face.

When she had finished, Ducky made her lie down on the table.

"Would you do the honours, Mr Palmer, I'm afraid it's been rather a long time since I had any need to do this?"

"Sure doctor," said Jimmy, peeling off his gloves and disappearing to wash his hands and suit up in something clean and fresh.

"A good idea," Ducky commended. "I'll do the same in a minute."

"What is he doing?" asked Abby in alarm.

"Abigail, had it ever occurred to you that you might be in labour?"

"What! No, I've got too much work to do!"

"The human body doesn't really care about work, Abigail. We're just going to check how far you are along."

Palmer returned looking a little apprehensive.

"I'll just get ready and we'll make a start," said Ducky heading for the door as Abby started painting again. "I think I'll put in a call to Timothy as well."

* * *

"McGee," came the curt reply, everyone was busy at the moment.

"Timothy, you are needed down in autopsy rather urgently," said Ducky.

"Well, I'm sort of tied up at the moment, Ducky," McGee said in a rushed voice. "Can you give me about half an hour?"

"Abigail might not have half an hour, I think now would be a better time."

McGee felt a shot of adrenaline through his system and he sprung from his desk and slammed down the phone all in one action.

"I'll be in autopsy," he yelled to Tony as he sprinted for the stairs.

* * *

"This might be a bit uncomfortable," said Jimmy sympathetically as he eased his fingers into Abby. He felt about a bit, his eyes opening wide. "Oh, we're pretty much there Doctor Mallard."

"Well, there is an ambulance on the way," said Ducky as Abby went through another contraction.

McGee crashed through the autopsy doors crying "Abby".

"It's alright, Timothy, Abigail's in good hands," Ducky nodded towards Palmer.

"What is he doing!" McGee exclaimed in horror.

"Just ascertaining the progress of labour, you're going to be a father quite soon," replied Ducky.

McGee paled noticeably.

"I'll just get you a chair and you can sit up here with Abby," said Ducky wisely.

"No Ducky," Abby interrupted. "I'm not giving birth lying flat on my back. I'm going to be squatting like they do in the wild."

"It's in her birth plan," McGee offered wearily as he sat thankfully on the chair Ducky offered.

Abby rolled off the table to get into position.

"Abby, please," McGee pleaded.

There was a gush of water onto the floor below Abby.

"Water's broken Doctor," came Palmer's calm voice.

"I can see that, thank you Mr Palmer," Ducky replied.

McGee turned away with his eyes closed to take a deep breath and regroup. When he opened his eyes he realised he was staring at the charred remains of the sailor on the other gurney. He retched once and steadfastly returned his attention to Abby.

"Sorry about your floor, Ducky," Abby panted.

"It's not as if this floor hasn't seen its share of bodily fluids," Ducky remarked casually coming around behind her.

Palmer was already squatting down trying to get a good look when Abby started screaming, hanging on for dear life to the side of the gurney. The table made an attempt to flip and McGee launched himself at the other side to provide a counter balance.

When it was over, Abby panted, "What was that?"

"Things get a bit more meaty now, my dear," Ducky replied. "The paramedics should be here in a minute with…oh here they are now."

Two paramedics rushed in with an array of plastic boxes, a tank of gas and a small plastic box on wheel attached to a number of instruments.

"It's coming again," yelled Abby grabbing McGee by the upper arms to brace herself.

When it was over, the paramedics offered her a face mask attached to the gas bottle.

"Was pain relief on that birth plan?" she asked McGee desperately, two inches from his face.

"It was on mine," he retorted.

"Gimme," she held out one hand. "It's coming again."

This time Abby screamed through the mask. When the contraction was over she ripped the mask from her face and yelled at the paramedic. "Is this thing on?"

"Yes Ma'am," came the reply.

"What a joke! McGee try this," she said clamping the mask over McGee's face.

It took two breaths before McGee's grip on her loosened and he began to slide off the table. She whisked the mask away. "McGee!"

Wha….?" he replied groggily trying to regain his ground.

"It's coming again," she screamed.

Then Abby started to push with all her might. She threw down the mask, dug her fingers almost clean through McGee's arms and pushed. "Get this thing out of my body," she yelled between contractions.

"I can see a head," called Palmer from behind her. "Do you want me to get a mirror so you can see?"

Abby gave him a stare designed to turn him to stone. "Are you joking?"

"Nearly there, Abigail," came Ducky's soothing voice and Abby gave it one more push.

There was an almightily release from her body as the baby slipped out. Abby's legs collapsed from under her and only McGee's grip on the other side of the table kept her from falling onto Palmer beneath her.

Palmer skilfully swung the baby out of harms way and the paramedics swooped in to check the baby and tie the cord.

"Do you want to cut the cord?" one of them offered McGee. Panting, McGee shot them a withering look over the table.

"Do you mind if I do it?" Palmer asked him. "I never got to do it in med school. They said it wasn't needed where I was going."

"Knock yourself out," McGee muttered as he rounded the table keeping his pull on Abby. When he got behind her, he put his arms around her to help her onto the ambulance stretcher. Ducky joined him at Abby's side.

"We've still got to wait for the…"

Something red and jelly like slid out of Abby and landed on McGee's shoe.

"No matter," Ducky said merrily taking Abby from McGee.

McGee looked down at his shoe and suddenly heaved his remaining stomach contents across the top.

"McGee!" came Abby's annoyed voice. "I was going to eat that."

"Yes well as nutritious as placenta might be for Eskimos, my dear girl," said Ducky helping her lie down. "Eating one from the autopsy floor might well give you BSE."

McGee stumbled to the chair Ducky offered next to Abby.

"It's a girl," called the paramedic. "Fighting fit, about 8 pounds, I'd say. Do you have a name?"

"Yeah," said McGee quietly looking at Abby, "Caitlan."

"What name were you planning to use if it was a boy?" Ducky queried.

McGee's eyes lit up but Abby held up a warning finger. "McGee…"

"Something out of Lord of the Rings," he said excitedly.

"Just want I wanted," said Abby sarcastically: "meet my son Frodo, son of Elf Lord".

"Yes, well. Just as well you ended up with the female of the species," Ducky concurred.

"Amen, Ducky," said Abby.

The medic wrote the name on a bracelet and attached it to the baby. Then he brought young Caitlan over and laid her on Abby's stomach.

"Hey there," she smiled.

"Ahh, Abby.. ?" McGee started.

"Hmm."

"She has blond hair. I sort of thought she'd be dark."

"What! You know I tattoo my entire body, but you never thought I might dye my hair?"

"You're actually blond?" he asked in amazement.

"Yeah, but don't let it get around. It's not really a Goth look. I thought about letting it grow out but then I'd look like a Goth skunk."

"If you're up to it, my dear," Ducky interrupted. "I think some others would like to pay you a visit."

Abby looked up and saw Tony, Ziva and Gibbs anxious faces jostling for position in the tiny autopsy window.

"Let them in, Ducky."

The three almost fell into the room as Ducky opened the door and ran over to the new family.

"Do you dye you hair?" McGee quizzed Ziva.

"Oh yes," she replied sarcastically. "It is a little known fact that the Israelites are actually a Nordic race who dye their hair just to fit into the neighbourhood."

"A simple 'no' would have sufficed," McGee shot back at her.

Ducky retreated to the far corner where Palmer was sitting smugly looking over the scene.

"Good job, Mr Palmer," he smiled patting him on the back.

"Thank you sir," he replied. It was rare to have a crowd of happy people in autopsy and he was enjoying the experience.

"Let's get the camera," Ducky suggested.

"Do you think we should move the Lieutenant out first?" asked Palmer indicating the charred sailor's body which seemed to be in the thick of the action.

"Yes, probably a bit too much excitement for him," Ducky agreed.


	10. Epilogue

**Chapter 10 - Epilogue**

It was a quiet first birthday for Caitlin held in Gibbs' backyard at around 11 am for early lunch. This meant they were able to squeeze in a morning nap and an afternoon nap so Caitlin wouldn't do her Cait-zilla act. They were all there: Uncle Tony, Aunty Ziva, Aunty Jen, Uncle Jimmy, Uncle Ducky and Uncle Gibbs. Somehow 'Uncle Jethro' never felt quite right.

Abby and Caitlin were dressed in matching outfits: tartan skirt, white top, black stockings and black leather shoes with matching hair styles except that, to Abby's disgust, Caitlin's hair was curly, a trait Abby was convinced had been inherited from McGee's side (or 'the shallow end of the gene pool' as Abby referred to it).

McGee looked over to where Caitie played with uncle Tony. They had started using the diminutive 'Caitie' soon after she was born. Neither of them had realised how much pain using the name Cait would cause them. In hindsight, thought McGee, they should have perhaps used Caitlin as a middle name in Cait's honour and given their daughter her own name. Like Arwen, the Elf princess in Lord of the Rings. Except he knew Abby would never go for it.

McGee smiled as he remembered the day they had asked Tony to be Caitlin's Godfather. It had been McGee's day to work and Abby had brought Caitlin in at lunchtime for a visit. Tony had grinned from ear to ear. Not only was he happy to be included but he could finally do his Godfather impersonation.

"So can I ….," Tony had started.

"No," Abby cut him off.

"but…"

"No," McGee had backed Abby up.

And thus he didn't wear cotton wool in his cheeks for the service.

Then Abby had done something McGee hadn't expected. She went to Ziva's desk and asked if she would be Caitlin's Godmother. Although they had unanimously agreed that Tony should be Caitlin's Godfather, they hadn't discussed a Godmother

Ziva was, of course, a different religion, but apparently only one Godparent had to have the right paperwork and Tony already fitted the bill in theory if not in practise. McGee thought it oddly appropriate that a girl conceived in a coffin and born in a morgue should have a trained assassin as a Godmother. The same reason he had thought it appropriate one night to use one of Abby's Peruvian death masks as an improvised teething ring.

Tony looked up from playing with Caitlin. "I think someone is making me a little present," he said.

McGee saw Caitlin straining into her diaper. "She's her father's daughter," McGee laughed, "You always give me the.."

"I'll take her," Abby cut in lifting Caitlin high in the air and sniffing her diaper.

"Mmmm, chocolate mini-muffin poo, Yum!" she savoured.

Tony pulled a face as Abby jiggled Caitlin into the house to change her. Although McGee had become quite proficient at diaper changes, he didn't relish the output as much as Abby. She liked to analyse the diaper contents in gory detail and he was sure it was only a matter of time before she brought the spectrum analyser home from work. The most interest he could muster was to remember to remove his tie before he started.

Still the diaper changes didn't worry him as much as he had initially feared. He hadn't factored in the all-consuming love he would feel for the little creature he and Abby had created and those emotions took the edge off the disgust he had when cleaning up the by-products of any one of her many orifices.

Abby brought Caitlin to his arms.

"Dada," she squealed in delight.

It still irked Abby. After carrying this creature inside her for nine months, ripping herself apart to deliver her into this world, feeding her until her breasts transformed from 'perky' to 'size 34 long', the first word her daughter blessed her with was 'dada'.

"What about me?" she had asked her. But Caitlin was daddy's girl. Many was the weekend Abby would find Caitlin sitting on her father's lap holding her own miniature mouse while the two of them played games on the dual-head display. He was even training her in the geek basics: learning to tell the difference between Star Trek series. Caitlin had a definite preference for the original series. Abby didn't mind so long as it wasn't the one she referred to as 'deep shit nine'.

Of course Abby wouldn't have minded if Caitlin was daddy's little girl in the dead of night. Then only mummy would do. It was just as well really as McGee seemed to develop some kind of nocturnal frequency dependant deafness which meant he never woke up to Caitlin's cries.

Gibbs brought out the cake and McGee placed Caitlin gently on the ground so she could totter over on her stocky McGee legs giving her big, if sparsely populated, Abby smile. She had only been walking for a couple of weeks but she seemed to enjoy her new found freedom. Everything in both their apartments had been moved about three feet higher.

McGee offered Abby his arm for the short stroll to the birthday cake and smiling, she took it. On the way over, he picked up the doll Caitlin had been given as a present. With its black pigtails and studded collar, there were no prizes for guessing who it represented. Sensibly, it was soft and machine washable. Ziva had already used it to demonstrate various lethal pressure points to Caitlin and similarly Ducky had used it to illustrate a point about the optimal place to make an incision during autopsy.

Abby and McGee stood side by side as a vaguely off-key rendition of Happy Birthday was sung. They had become a couple mainly through apathy. The first six months had been a whirl of nappies, feeding, no sleep and juggling work but as the dust settled they found a routine that worked for all three of them. There seem to be no time for anything like dating other people. If you weren't working or playing with Caitlin, you were desperately trying to catch up on lost sleep. It was a haphazard arrangement that suited Abby rather better than it suited McGee. If McGee had his way, his entire life would be planned from his birth up to and including his death.

Sex in some ways had become more adventurous. Caitlin's cot tended to be next to the main bed for nocturnal ease but McGee was not keen on having sex in front of their daughter. He didn't even go for Abby's suggestion of covering the cot in a sheet so that it resembled a giant birdcage. This forced them into other rooms of the house and provided Abby with an interesting array of on-hand appliances to try.

Caitlin smiled up at her parents, letting big globs of cake leak out from between her teeth. Uncle Tony squatted down to her level and whispered in her ear to tell her to go and wipe her hands on daddy. Caitlin stood up, walked to the side of uncle Tony and swiped him on the back of the head. Caitlin really had become one of the team.


End file.
